Reflections in the City

Heart for this City

And there you stood, holding me, waiting for me to notice you. But who are you? You are the Truth outscreaming these lies. You are the Truth saving my life.

The warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit, you speak the truth and I hear it. The words are "I love you" and I have to believe in you.

But who are you? You are the Truth outscreaming these lies. You are the Truth saving my life.

I've been thinking a lot about Camp Garaywa. In the past two weeks, I've helped move mattresses and set up the camp store and uncover the pool - I just really love that place, and it, combined with my love for it and God's love in my heart, has motivated me more to serve than anything ever has. I reread this exposition I wrote about it a few months back and I instantly wept. So I thought I should share it again with some of you who might not have seen.


[This is a brief account of my experience this summer 2010 as a camp counselor. I omitted a few things from the original draft, even though I did not name names in it, I don't want to draw attention to those who were abused.]



Spanish moss. Gray, dangling. Not particularly attractive and potentially full of red bugs or something equally unwanted. Thirty-eight college students. Brought together in the middle of pseudo-woods. Why were we there? To be camp counselors for seven weeks, of course. Sure, staff training started off with a peppy air. We played games, we ate good food, we laughed and got to know one another. But slowly, things changed at Camp Garaywa. If your camper has an epipen, you need to have it with you all the time. This is what you do if a camper breaks a bone. This is how you handle homesickness.

This is what you do if a child is being abused.

This is how you can report it to DHS.

This is how your heart will be wrenched and broken, and this is when you can let it break. Not in front of the campers. Never in front of the campers. You can cry with them, but do not break. Not until later.

I was thrown into an atmosphere completely out of my league. I don’t work with children. I can’t talk to children, I don’t know how to. I confuse them. But I did it anyway. It was breezy that night. A little girl of twelve came outside, her face red with tears. I sat her down next to me, gently asking, “What’s on your mind honeybee?” I said that more times than I remember. Oh, that little girl cried. But her crying turned to questions. Then to wonder. Camp Garaywa is a Christian girls camp in my state. And if it’s one thing we do, it’s share the story and the love of Jesus Christ. I talked with that child for over an hour - Genesis to Revelation. 

But it didn’t end there. Not by a long shot. One week, a girl gave her heart to Christ. She wanted to be a missionary to Australia, too. That night, she bawled, convinced that she’d done something wrong. I believe she was being attacked by forces beyond me. I rubbed her back and stroked her hair, praying with her softly until she calmed enough to sleep. I went back to my bed and cursed the devil under my breath, because I knew he was attacking her.

I remember the week we only had six girls in my cabin, eight more would’ve been max capacity. On Wednesday night, one of my precious campers began to bawl. I took her on the porch with me. I let her pour her heart out. Whether or not you are a Christian is immaterial to understanding the raw emotion, the passion, the heartbreak of that moment. She cried, and I cried with her. I didn’t help her pray, because telling someone to repeat something gives no assurance that they understand, no way to find out if it is legitimate. I told her to just talk to God. She poured her heart out, telling Jesus over and over again how much she loved Him and how much she wanted Him to save her. She was transformed. I was transformed by the faith of a child. That night, all six of our campers made professions of faith in Christ by their own accord. They stood in a huddle, hugging eachother – most virtual strangers – and over and over said “We’re sisters now!” They could hardly sleep that night, and I didn’t blame them one bit.

Again, whether or not you reading this believe, it cannot be denied that what we offered that summer was hope and healing and love to a lot of little girls who desperately needed it. I needed it too. I grew. I’ve always been somewhat of a selfish person, I will freely admit. But I gave of myself this summer. I did the inconvenient thing. The hard thing. When camp was over, I had no idea what to do with myself, because for seven weeks, my life was devoted to others above myself. It didn’t matter if I hadn’t had time to shower in three days. I took showers with a water hose. I consistently ran on five hours of sleep, if that. One week, we were awoken every night at about 3:30 in the morning. I couldn’t do it by my own strength. As hard as it was, as heartbreaking and frustrating it was..I know I’ll be back next year.

God healed and restored to me things that we lost, and realigned me to him. Even now, he’s showing me what really matters. It’s so difficult to even convey any of this, any of my heart, or what of God’s heart I saw. But I know that camp brought one hundred and twelve children to know Christ. That love, so innocent and so pure, with understanding that I’d never have expected in a child before. The healing. The hope. The joy, not only in their lives, but in mine.

Beautiful.

And I thank God every day for it.

The Underappreciated Class [Team Fortress 2]

I have a Pyro sticker on my laptop.


When I first started playing Team Fortress 2, I decided that I liked the Pyro. As a new player, they were easy to pick up and play and I could, to some degree, be a kredit to team. And I just kept playing as Pyro. Now, I did try other classes. I was a miserable failure at most of them. Why? Because they do take practice! The first time I tried being an Engineer, I was intimidated and very very confused. I got okay with Medic and had a few good rounds as Sniper, but it wasn't consistent and it was often frustrating.


So I went back to Pyro. And then I discovered all these anti-Pyro sentiments. Noobs play as Pyro. W+M1ing (for those of you unclear, it means hitting the forward button and then the fire button, which is what a lot of Pyros do do. And it's uneffective.) Now, I took it upon myself to be the best Pyro I could be. Spy Checking and whatnot. Then I got the Degreaser. I love the Degreaser - I named mine Belial. But the Degreaser, unlike the Backburner (these are flamethrowers by the by), included a compression blast. I didn't actually know Pyros could even DO this at the time - but I was determined once I found out to learn how to use it and use it well. I put out teammates left and right, I deflected Demo fire and rolled their stickybombs off of the cart. I separated Ubercharged pairs.


All this earned me some credit. Laughing, an enemy said, "F--- you, Sinner". While most people would be offended, I could tell it was in jest. He was astounded because I took out about six of his teammates before I was finally killed. I ended rounds in the top three, and many times I would have the second, if not foremost number of points. Someone on my team, upon seeing this, marveled, "Sinner, were you Pyro the whole round? o_o"


Yes, citizen. Yes I was.


Pyros are GREAT classes for beginners. You can do some good even as a new player, whereas other classes are much easier to bungle. However, people seem to think that all Pyros then are noobs who don't know how to be effective. How untrue! Team Fortress 2 players, I beseech you..judge a Pyro not by his or her class, but how they play their class. THANK YOU.


On another note, I'm getting to be a pretty good Engie now. I can pretty much be any class that's need at this point, which is a really awesome feeling. 


The below comic, while hilarious, helped prompt me to post this. Not all Pyros are dead weight. :C

Diary of a Minecrafter (Episode 1 + Review)

I found Minecraft through StumbleUpon almost a year ago. At the time, the genius Indie game was nothing but a blip on the radar. I saw it, though "Eh, maybe." so I bookmarked for later. Just in case. When I revisited my friend Minecraft, Creative (Classic) mode was the only mode available. I fiddled around for awhile, had fun..then forgot. Somewhere down the line I registered an account, about the time Survival Test was going on. I was like, "Hey, why not?" So I tried it.

I was instantaneously scarred for life, suddenly amid a shower of angry mobs out for my very soul.

I did not revisit Survival Test. I am a weenie when it comes to video game danger 99% of the time. So, I spent the rest of my Minecrafting time either building elaborate homes in Classic (I could save my progress now!) or trying to find a decent Multiplayer Classic server. I actually found a few - and had fun - but fell away from this, too. It wasn't worth the effort, I thought, to make something that I couldn't actively protect from destruction at the hands of griefers or server rollbacks.

I forgot Minecraft for awhile. And then it went into Alpha. I figure, you know, I've had fun so far. Why not shell out this cash (I only paid about 13USD at the time) for a game that had thus far offered me plenty of hours of enjoyment? Let me tell you - I haven't regretted it. There's a reason over a million people have forked over the simoleons to Notch and his crew. But I'll get to my personal review of the game here in a moment.

I was a complete and total noob when I started. My experience in Survival Test left me jumpy and nervous. I was flung into a scary, infinitely huge world of Creepers and Spiders (I don't do spiders. Ever. No.). I didn't quite know how things operated, but I knew - I knew - that night was bad. I needed shelter. I ran away from my spawn point (mistake one - I didn't bother to build near it) and gathered up as much wood and dirt as I could. Dusk began to set in and I panicked. I didn't have time to build a suitable fortress! I did my best, and, not knowing about torches (yes I was that much of a noob), I just jumped into the nearest natural pit, formed it into a rectangle in the ground, and sealed myself in.

It was dark. Very dark. Not on that, but I had no way of knowing when the sun would rise. I was fortunate in that nothing spawned in my abysmal barracks. I would check periodically for the sun. When I was satisfied that day was about to break, I left my foxhole and set out to find an aesthetically pleasing point for a home. I found one! (Turns out, not too far from my spawn, either). It was a lovely valley - surrounded by a tree-covered cliff, and beyond it the sea - on my left and a nice, risen hill on my right. The middle held a small lake. I build my home in the lake, focused on the idea that mobs didn't care for water (which wasn't true, but I liked the idea - from books about the undead not being able to survive running water [Thank you Garth Nix]). Either way, I started mining into the cliff after making my primitive wooden tools.

I made a masterpiece.

It was pretty boring at first - but I discovered torches and..well, crafting. Did I mention how strange it was to not instantly break a block? In Indev, I couldn't for the life of my figure out how to get any blocks because of that.  Anyway.

I made myself a nice wooden cube of a home with stone floors. Early on, I got it up to two stories.

Then I accidentally set it on fire.

(During my first attempt to make the lighthouse you see there. I unleashed my lava in my house while trying to close the door.)

I scrambled to fix my home (with cobblestone) and was able to repair things before nightfall. I will continue my personal Minecraft journey later.

As for a review: I will say that Minecraft is one of the most addictive and ridiculously fun games I've played in a long time. And I've been gaming for about ten years. That's half of my life. Anyway. Minecraft gets a lot of flack for being visually..outdated. I struggle with this, because I do love eyecandy and, being an artist, old graphics just don't jive well with me. But Minecraft is not the sum of its graphics. Anyone who judges solely on graphics shouldn't be reviewing games. You know as well as I that a game can look amazing but suck in every other way. Minecraft is unique from most games in that you have complete and utter freedom to create. Sure, you have some limitations. But in many ways, it doesn't limit you as much as games like the Sims 3 or Garry's Mod do when it comes to building. (A sim and a sandbox are different, I know, but both have creative elements). Minecraft is endless and it's what you make of it. Want to make an medieval village? Sure. Ultra-modern glass skyscraper? Sure. Underground village of mole people? HECK YES.

Not only that, but in the survival aspect - there's almost nothing scarier than being caught by a Creeper unawares. I don't do scary games. But man, I was playing SurvivalMultiplayer and was in an explored cave trying to get coal for myself. I discovered a HUGE stash, but it was beyond the torches. I went anyway, mining furiously, only to look up and have a CREEPER IN MY FACE. I screamed and had to flail backwards. I narrowly escaped death, sealing the Creeper in the darkness in the nick of time.

Minecraft is only in Beta mode but it's pretty obvious it has something unique. It's being copied, for one, and it's sold over a million units. In BETA. It had hundreds of thousands in ALPHA. That's a big deal. I've gotten my friends hooked on it, too - most of whom never took interest in it themselves before.

It's worth the money. Buy it.

OOOOOMakeup -flip wrist-

Okay soooo! I'm going to be a girl for a moment. I've been looking for a long long time for opaque lipstick. I wanted to do a nude lip, but was pretty unsuccessful with it. I found Shanalogic, which was selling Lime Crime's opaque lipstick. I thought I'd found the holy grail! But..for $16 and shipping, I wanted to make sure I was getting my money's worth. I'm not the type to spend hundreds on makeup. So, I looked up Lime Crime and found very startling reviews. Needless to say, I did not buy their product, and I never intend to buy from Lime Crime.

Thank http://www.lipsticksandlightsabers.com/

Most amazing makeup reviewer/tester person. Ever. Thanks to her, I found TKB Trading, who sells amazing mineral makeup (sold in bulk for people to make their own products) among other things. So I bought a little something something from them.

You can buy a set of twelve sample sizes (which really is a LOT) for $15. The amount is considerably more than you could get in normal mineral eyeshadow. I've bought .08 ounces for almost $7, so this is a fantastic deal. I also bought two non-sample sizes. (about $4 each) which is more than I really know what to do with. The come in bags, but you can also buy jars from lots of different sizes on the cheap from TKB too. I had my sister buy me another sample set and jars for Christmas.

Then I hopped over to Fyrinnae and bought their Pixie Epoxy, which you apply to the eyes before the shadow. It keeps things vibrant and in place.

The top row is my first test run - I played it pretty safe. I'm not wearing mascara in this one, I couldn't find it. All color names are from TKB Trading unless noted.

Lid \\ Pink Coral

Shadow \\ Smokey XXX

Crease \\ Chameleon

Then I went more dramatic.

Middle

Lid \\ Blue Ice*

Shadow \\ Pearl Blue*

Crease \\ Capricorn Sea

Highlight \\ NA

This was more green IRL, the camera kind of dulled it.

Bottom

Lid \\ Pennsylvania Green + Polar Bear (Fyrinnae)

Shadow \\ Twilight Green

Crease \\ Chameleon

Highlight \\ Polar Bear (Fyrinnae)

*Need to confirm, too lazy to make sure right now. 

B-b-b-blogging

First post, ha ha. :0

Let's introduce myself. I'm called many names online, but for the purposes here, I'm going with my newest handle - Sinner. But yanno, you can call me what you want. Anywho, a little about myself. I'm a Sophomore in university. I'm majoring in Studio Art and I'm an English minor. I want to pencil comic books once I get out, or do concept art of some sort. Right now, though, I'm trying to scrape up enough money to transfer schools. So, no pretense here - I'm trying, among other things, to make a bit of money by doing this. But I do hope what I write about interests you. I'll try to keep things varied. I'm a geek through and through, but I'm also a girl, so don't be surprised if I talk about makeup or something.

Things you might see from me:

Movie Reviews

Game Reviews

Makeup Reviews

Rambling

Art things

Whatever I feel like at the time
Rants

YEAH. More later. I've got to brave the brooding storm outside to get to band.